Should a Baby’s Funland give equal access to both your mom and mother-in-law?
Most women can confidently say that they are closer to their own parents than their in-laws. Of course, there are exceptions, but for the most part, when it comes to your kids’ grandparents, your mom is probably getting top priority in your postpartum life. And why shouldn’t she?
One mom wants to normalize the difference between a new mom’s relationship with her own mom and her mother-in-law being different, instead of it being a toxic competition.
“Can we please make it normal for the relationship with your parents to be different than your relationship with your in-laws during postpartum?” TikTok mom, Bri Knight, asked her followers.
“It doesn’t have to be a competition. It doesn’t have to be a war between the mother-in-law and your mom. It doesn’t have to be about who met the baby first or who has spent more time with the baby. Postpartum is about the new mom and her partner healing and bonding.”
She goes on to say that there doesn’t need to be tension around appeasing in-laws during those stressful postpartum months. In fact, it should be understood that a new mom would want her own mom around to help with laundry, breastfeeding, changing diapers, etc., instead of her mother-in-law who may just want to hold the baby. It’s just a different relationship.
“In early postpartum, equal opportunity doesn’t exist. It is whatever the mom needs. And if the mom needs her mom there to help with the baby’s care, to figure out breastfeeding, to help with housework and laundry, it is very different than having the mother-in-law over to hold the baby for long hours,” she continued.
“It is normal and understandable when a woman wants her mom there during labor and delivery or birth, but doesn’t want her mother-in-law. That’s normal.”
Knight then addressed mothers-in-law who make a new baby about themselves, asking them to prioritize the mom and baby instead. That’s the key to being welcomed into a new mom’s inner circle, not guilt-tripping or berating.
“If you want to be a support person during early postpartum for a pregnant mom, you should be doing everything possible to support her throughout her entire pregnancy,” she said.
“The time comes for her to decide who she wants to support her during early postpartum. Your name is on the list. Postpartum is not the time to argue about who came over first, who held the baby first, or who spent the most time at the mom’s house. It’s not the time for that. It’s the time to be silent, be helpful wherever you can, and not make someone’s postpartum about you.”
Postpartum is a very personal and vulnerable experience for new parents, and they should have people around who they feel comfortable sharing it with. Sometimes, all we want is our own moms, and that should be okay!
